I Ate Breakfast Today

Sorry about that. It's been too long since I updated. I was trying to get on here at least once a week and then you know, life happened. My main concern tonight is about trusting God. We can all say that oh, I've never doubted God before, I'm a perfect Christian, humdeedum, but let's face it, we all all falter. Let's retype that. WE ALL FALTER! The past couple of months have been a very trying time for me and God. We haven't really been speaking. I've been in this mindset where it's like, if You love me so much then why did this happen? If You love me so much, why do things keep happening? Why does it only get worse with time? I have been very angry with God. Oh yeah sure, He got me the job that I desperately needed where I am surrounded by all these awesome Christian kids. And you know, helped me and my mom bond. And you know, got me the strength to leave a truly unhealthy relationship. But all of this happened very painfully. And I was like God, seriously? You don't love me. You can't love me. I took everything into my own hands and was like pffffffft, forget you.

And then last night I slept over at one of my dearest friends' house in la plata. We went to church this morning. And my ex goes to that church. I wore this really amazing dress and straightened my hair and wore make up and smelled really good and acted like I was way too good for him and he just deserved t o look at me and think damn, I really screwed up. But once I got there, the sermon was about leaving things up to God. About the manna in the desert, where they only needed to gather enough for one day because God would always provide breakfast. And I realized I was so ridiculous. I went to church dressed up to make a guy jealous. A guy that doesn't deserve me. A guy that wanted me for one reason (and let's face it, we all know what that reason was). And I was all of a sudden really happy. I have no idea where my life is going. I have no idea what God has planned. But I'm okay with that. Because there will always be breakfast. And after breakfast, everything is possible.